So I said I wasn’t writing about this, and in some form I am. Therefore, I have failed.
I popped outside for a procrastinatory smoke. Went back to rolling after the pack I got because I was being lazy and scatterbrained ran out. A good friend taught me the ritual of the lucky cigarette, where when you open a new pack, you flip one of them upside down and smoke it last. Before you light the lucky cigarette you get a wish. I knew what I wanted to wish for, but I didn’t, because it didn’t seem wise.
I keep telling myself that I’m not thinking about it, only to find that I am.
While I was outside for said smoke, I walked into the courtyard and saw a person playing the guitar, so I sat to listen. At some point, the man asked if he was disturbing me, and I said that he was good, and that I did not mind. Funny thing is, I think my sight has gotten worse. That, or the floodlights weren’t helping much. I said to him that the funny thing was that I couldn’t see him. Initially, I had hoped that he was someone else, but I knew that the universe couldn’t be that kind.
Sometimes, smoking is an isolating thing. Sometimes it just gives you time to think, and sometimes you meet talkative strangers, who tell you, to take out the trash. Figuratively. We find answers we are looking for, and he said this to me with respect to the laziness I was feeling about work. It made sense, but in my mind I was reaching for an answer I wanted to hear, which was unwise on my part.
He was right though. Usually I think talkative strangers are annoying, but for some reason this man, with his guitar playing and rambling, has calmed me. Perhaps, the universe has been kind after all, in a way that is telling me to take out the trash where my work is concerned. And maybe, at this point, still shaking a little from the cold of being outside, and fishing for what seems to be an existential crisis, the universe picked up on what I needed.