There’s this phrase I’ve read a couple of times this week that I find disturbing. It’s on the notion that a woman ‘has to satisfy her husbands [sexual] desires’. Here’s problem number one, I’m not seeing the opposite being stated, and these statements are coming from women who subscribe to christian and or conservative doctrines. Sex is a part of adult committed relationships, which include marriage. With all the recent discourse on the female body and how it achieves sexual pleasure, you would think this would have changed somewhat, but it has not apparently. It follows the ‘oh a woman has to put out when she’s married even when she doesn’t want to, because men are so much hornier and women are just tired or have a host of other issues.’ I’m not saying that this does not happen, what I’m saying is that the mentality that leads to it shouldn’t be accepted.
It makes it seem as though sexual consent becomes a coerced thing in a marriage, something you’re bound to do because in the Ghanaian mentality at least ‘if you don’t satisfy him he will go and find satisfaction elsewhere.’My issue with it is that it doesn’t give men nearly enough credit. A marriage is ideally not centered on sex, but on partnership, and i’d like to think men don’t just marry women because they really want to tap that or because she’s a good fuck or something in that line of thought. While the sex is important, if you feel yucky or too tired to do it, then you should be able to say so and be understood.
Back to problem number one, why isn’t the inverse being stated too? i.e. a man has to satisfy his wife’s [sexual] desires or otherwise. Thinking this way is not helpful, sex is never by force just because you’ve said ‘I do’. I’m not saying there are times you won’t have sex even if you’re not really into it, marriage is supposed to be for a long time, and it should be quid pro quo, but carrying sexual obligation into a marriage when it conflicts with your happiness/ comfort/ general horniness level or desire for sex, doesn’t look like a step towards equality to me.